I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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