she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
