i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
sex in a hospital.. check
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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