So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
