i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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