dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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