fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
