Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
