I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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