your thong is hanging out like whoa
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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