I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
