The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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