apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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