Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
