I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
