when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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