If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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