It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
