then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize