Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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