i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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