There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
