i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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