Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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