I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
