White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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