i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
