i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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