Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
