Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
