that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize