why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
