Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
