We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
