Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
