Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
