some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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