I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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