But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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