Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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