Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
