I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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