i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
