Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
