Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
