I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
