One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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