so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
