this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize