I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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