Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
