yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
