i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize