You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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