yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
