oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
