I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
