My hand turned me down
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
