she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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