I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
