I can text with my tongue
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
