I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
