where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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