clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
