Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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