I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
