He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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