Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
