it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize