Swine flu. Run for my life!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
