and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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