i would punch a child for taco bell
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
