so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
