So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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