he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
