She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
