There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
