well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
