Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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