just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
