tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize