We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
