I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
