what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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