I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
