Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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