Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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