It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
