No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize