Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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