I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
