What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
