the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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