Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
