I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
