I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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