i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
