I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
